How To Tell If You’re In a Truman Capote Story
Previously in this series: How To Tell If You're In a Dostoevsky Novel. You and your husband are having separate affairs and it’s very pragmatic. Your parents were really hoping for a son instead of a...
View ArticleHow To Tell If You Are A Mitford Sister
Previously in this series. You grow up in a family that is aristocratic, but on such a limited budget as to be able to employ no more than a cook, a parlor-maid, a housemaid, a kitchen maid, a nanny...
View ArticleHow To Tell If You Are In An Oscar Wilde Play
Previously in this series. You are being talked about. It is very disagreeable. You are not being talked about. It is even more disagreeable. You have sinned, and sinned greatly in the eyes of the...
View ArticleHow To Tell If You Are In A Korean Drama
Previously in this series. You are a woman of modest means, yet you only seem to date men who own hotels. You are a nice girl who knows exactly one nice guy. You forget about him a lot, but gosh, he...
View ArticleHow To Tell If You Are In A Goosebumps Book
Previously in this series. Your household is stunningly average. The same goes for your entire family aside from one eccentric relative who’s always up to something kooky. Your parents don’t like when...
View ArticleHow to Tell if You are in an Old English Poem
Previously in this series You are a man: a worthy warrior, a hard-hearted hero, a mighty mail-warrior, a sturdy spear-bearer, a resolute retainer, an eager earl, a fierce-minded fighter, a stalwart...
View ArticleHow to Tell if You are in a Marcel Proust Novel
Previously in this series. Upon departing for a seaside resort with your grandmother and cook, you have become almost completely indifferent to your first love, who is already just as, if not more,...
View ArticleHow To Tell If You’re In an Edward Gorey Book
Previously in this series. As a child, you found yourself in a near constant state of existential threat, often caused by your parents' party guests or abnormal creatures you met on bicycle rides. One...
View ArticleHow To Tell If You’re In A Chivalric Romance By Chrétien de Troyes
A disrespectful maiden becomes your only friend after you kill the man who kidnapped the other man who killed her first boyfriend. Sir Kay is taunting you. Your story has broken off, unfinished. You...
View ArticleHow To Tell If You’re In An Elena Ferrante Novel
Previously in this series. You are poor, bright, and beautiful, but you never feel quite bright or beautiful enough because your best friend is brighter and beautifuller. Your best friend has never...
View ArticleHow To Tell If You Are In A Lai Of Marie De France
Your narrative shifts from past to present to past again for no discernible reason. You have managed to convince your husband you were not cheating on him by showing him a bathtub. You are also...
View ArticleHow to Tell If You’re in a Milan Kundera Novel
J.E. Reich's previous work for The Toast can be found here. The concepts of lightness and weight are very important to you. You refuse to buy a scale. Every time you have sex in a bowler hat -- which...
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